so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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