p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
