The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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