yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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