Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
