I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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