how can u be prego again
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
