your thong is hanging out like whoa
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
