dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
