see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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