i would punch a child for taco bell
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
