Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
