she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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