I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
