Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize