I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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