My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize