I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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