I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
