I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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