i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
