I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
