DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
