I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
