You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
