saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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