don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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