wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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