So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
