So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize