You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
