They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We got so high we made milksteak
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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