did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
