You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's like iHOP with fire
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
