If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
