..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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