You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
