I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize