is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
