it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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