Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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