Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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