I want to make a zoo with you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize