Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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