if i can run in heels then i can drive
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
