Nicole vs. Life
Small penises have feelings too.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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