from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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