I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
