He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
