Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The best revenge is premature balding
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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