when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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