Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up

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(925): View more from California

If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I want you more than these girls want KFC

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.

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(206): View more from Washington

Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.

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(209): View more from California

She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

How are you feeling today?

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.

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