he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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