Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think my mom watched the whole time
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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