he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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