Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
