Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
did you just send me my own nude
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize