If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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