omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
