Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
