what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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