I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
