i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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