Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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